“My children, for whom I do this work, if not gladly, then without regret. My children, who make it possible for me to bitch tirelessly about motherhood while still feeling, deeply, to the very tips of my toes and possibly even further, that this motherhood thing is the most beautiful – the most hazily, gauzily, barefoot-in-a-field-of-daisies romantic – thing in the world. And if I’m clutching a bottle of tequila and an Ativan prescription while spinning through that field of daisies... well, as I said: it’s complicated. Wonderfully, terribly, delightfully so.”
Catherine Connors, Her Bad Mother
What if motherhood could be framed as a valuable site for artistic exploration rather than an invisible and trivial labour? I don’t mean the aboutness of motherhood, I mean the work of motherhood. The interrupted and fragmented quality of action and thought, the unconditional love and care, the repetition and the ritual, the layered existence, the mind touching several linguistic places at the same time; the diligence. The exhaustion and the reaching of one’s own limits, hence the continuous stretching of range and motion; the incessant change. The infinite layers and textures of an experience of such complexity where our happiness is fueled and afforded by our fear and our exhaustion and vice versa. I am well aware that the roads I have travelled wouldn’t have been possible if I haven’t become a single mother, yet being a single mother has transform my journey into a deeply complex and intricate adventure. The motherhood condition has been the inception and site of origin of my artistic research since 2012.
Improvisation is the heart of my ongoing creative research. It is not the only mode I turn to for generating or accesing, and I´m working hard towards succesfully cultivating a “no longer aknowledging” a difference between improvisation and it´s conventional “opposite”: set choreography. But open space/ open score movement improvisation as a practice is the core of my spiritual and artistic pursuits.
I attempt to conceive and understand improvisation as a complex social phenomenon that mediates interdisciplinary and cross-cultural exchanges that produce new conceptions of identity, community and body. And simply, as a contemplative practice of conscious interaction with the world. As a field of everything. Where everything is possible. Where through indagatory and successive endless choice, action and renounce we can reach an epiphanic state in which the essential joy of being alive and the true non dualistic nature of the mind becomes actualized potential. A state where the concrete and the elusive converge, and what we don’t know becomes familiar, becomes possibility and intuition. No separation between impression and expression. Through improvisation I have come to completely trust the body and it’s epistemic nature; and I have come to know, to really know, in the way that you can only know through embodied experience, that reality is layered, that there are a lot of ways of being in the world. This is a virtuosic realization.
“I suggest that improvisation can be defined as an act of reaching an ideal state, in which impression (sensorial, physical, corporal) can immediately become expression (symbolic and artistic), so that (utopically) there is no separation between what is seen and what is painted, what is said and what is written, what rumbles and what is heard.”
“Writing by Ear”: Clarice Lispector, Machado de Assis, and Guimarães Rosa and the Mimesis of Improvisation Marília Librandi-Rocha. Translated by Camille SuttonA
“Meanwhile, atop the naked table, the screaming slice of red watermelon. I am grateful to my eyes that are still so frightened. I shall yet see many things. To be honest, even without watermelon, a naked table is also a sight to see.”
“This dualistic structure, together with the disturbing emotions are the forces that drive us from one samsaric experience to another. Yet all the while , there is still the basic nature , which is not made out of anything whatsoever. It is totally unconstructed and empty, and at the same time it is aware it has the quality of being able to cognize. It is a naked experience. This indivisible unity of being empty and cognizant is our original ground that is never lost”.
The Flight of The Garuda by Shabkar Tsokdrug Rangdrol
My mother has been a serious buddhist practitioner for more than twenty years. Buddhism is a direct influence in my work. Particularly it’s notion of emptiness as absence of intrinsic nature, and the practice of open awareness meditation that calls for direct, uncategorized experience.